Football and refereeing injustices go together like Andy Carroll's elbows and his opponents' ribs. But ahead of the European Championships this summer, the sport's rule-makers have issued an update to the laws of the game.
Announced at Wembley today by David Elleray, the referee-turned-rulemaker who led the International Football Association Board's review, the changes won't prevent a hand-wringing England exit early in the knockout stages. They might, however, make the game a little fairer, a little simpler, and a little more of a challenge for the game's ingenious cast of cheats.
Your move, Sergio Busquets. The rest of us can look out for these changes at France 2016 and beyond.
Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira might not have made it onto the Highbury pitch in 2005 under the current rules CREDIT: AFP
Red cards before the match
Patrick Vieira had some famously strong words for Gary Neville and Roy Keane in the narrow, low-ceilinged Highbury tunnel ahead of Arsenal and Manchester United's clash in February 2005.
Manchester United's 4-2 defeat of Arsenal was a memorable game in its own right, but has the dubious honour of being remembered better for the handbags that preceded it. But if the Keane-Vieira face-off happened today, neither of them might have made it out of the tunnel.
According to the new rules, "a player may be 'sent off' any time after the referee enters the field of play for the pre-match inspection." The teams wouldn't start a player down, though - a substitute would be allowed to take the offender's place.
Arsenal's Mesut Ozil and Alexis Sanchez prepare to kick off against West Brom last month CREDIT: PAUL GILHAM/GETTY IMAGES
Kicking off
As the domestic season winds down, treasure the goals your club concede, for they are performing for the last time one of the game's odder rituals. These are the final games in which despondent strikers must resume play by passing forwards, but when France and Romania kick off on June 10, the match can start with a backwards pass.
Louis van Gaal should be aware that the tweak is intended to stop the pass receiver trespassing into their opponent's half rather than as an endorsement of stultifying backwards-passing build-up play.
Chelsea's Thibaut Courtois incurs the dreaded triple punishment after bringing down Man City's Fernandinho CREDIT: BPI/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK/BPI/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
Triple punishment
It's almost as though last-gasp bludgeonings aren't worth it. The 'triple punishment' which awaits those who prevent obvious goal-scoring opportunities in the opposition penalty area comprises a red card, the concession of a penalty, and a subsequent suspension.
But from June 1, the red card will be downgraded to a yellow if the foul was an attempt to play the ball. Handball, grappling, and violent conduct are still red-card offences though. Cloggers beware.
Penalty-takers like Leicester's Jamie Vardy will have come up with new ways of outfoxing goalkeepers CREDIT: ANDREW BOYERS/REUTERS
Penalties
A favourite tactic of modern penalty-takers is to hoodwink goalkeepers with a dummy kick at the end of a run-up. Diving pre-emptively one way, the keeper is humiliated as the ball is lashed into the far corner.
No longer: a feint will now earn a yellow card. Lawmakers hope that this will eliminate the early dive off the line, which will also earn a yellow.
Lionel Messi was name-checked by Elleray as one of the most prominent culprits of the newly-forbidden ruse. It'll be some time before the Argentine's penalty wiles are negated, though - especially since the Board didn't outlaw the passed penalty, exhibited by Messi and Luis Suarez in Barcelona's 6-1 pasting of Celta Vigo in February.
Wayne Rooney takes on fluid during England's 2014 World Cup match against Italy in the heat of Manaus CREDIT: WARREN LITTLE/GETTY IMAGES
Water breaks
Wayne Rooney's complexion resembles at the best of times an uncooked sausage under the shifting red light of a lava lamp. The England captain's ruddy face is in many ways a bellwether of his team's performance in summer tournaments, for the hotter the conditions, the more difficult it becomes for England to go about their usual business of fruitlessly chasing the ball, and the sooner they are sent packing.
But now there is hope. Drinks breaks are now permissible in the very hot and humid conditions in which the World Cup and European Championships are often played. Could this be England's year?
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